Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
