Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
