I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
