As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize