fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
