If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is the high leading the old right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
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Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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