Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
