Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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