Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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