I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
