3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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