he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
