Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
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What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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