and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
