Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
