Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
