So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
