Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
