saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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