How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
last night I used snow as a chaser
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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