my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My feet surprised me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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