Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
