A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
