I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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