one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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