I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
