Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
