I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
