God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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