Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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