to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
