Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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