before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
