a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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