I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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