Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
