ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
