Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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