She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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