I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So squirting runs in the family.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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