they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
