that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
