Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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