Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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