I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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