in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
