you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
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Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.