my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries