Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can I color on your dick again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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