I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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