Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
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Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.