we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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