as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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