Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
