Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
