you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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