The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
