I have demons in me.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
