i just wanna soil my oats bro
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
