just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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