hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
