Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
