I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
