You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
